欣旅惠語 VaL's Journey

I Believe That Dreams Can Come True

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By 17 Nov 2009

"Because I Believe
That Dreams Can Inspire Dreams
and Dreams Can Come True."

I Believe That Dreams Can Come True

 

Dreams: 被遗失的梦想

放下了包袱，流浪天涯。。。寻找[被遗失的梦想]

Dreams: 被遗失的梦想

 

i want to go on

"Health" - it is the imperative to joy and abundance.

I had a post on my first training day all written, full of excitement and sense of accomplishment, but I don't know where to start or how to share. Because whatever high I've gotten from finishing that 2 hour walk was sizzled and fizzled off by a fever the next morning.

I can kick myself for this, really. A thousand fears and blames and what-nots crept in...
I did not hydrate enough.
I did not warm up enough.
I am not good enough.

Determined to pick myself up, determined not to slack off from the planned training schedule, I went for another 2 hour walk come Wednesday. I didn't care if I was going to run another fever. I didn't care that my throat was aching. Heck, I didn't care that my partner was sick, too.

Because all I cared about, was keeping up, was being enough. Because if I don't do this properly, I will never complete my first task of 1,500km, and never find anyone to support us, and never, NEVER fulfill our dreams.

SH and I ended up with a big fight halfway through our walk - we were both tired, and limits slightly very stretched. She was worried about money - for the project, for the company, for rent, for everything. I was in complete denial. And we both ended up with really, really bad attitudes towards each other. The fight was a perfect distraction from what we were both facing and struggling with - our seemingly very bleak future.

SH called "half-time" on our walk back home. And we stopped by a staircase to "breathe and talk"...and I noticed this on the wall:

And I stopped.
Stopped spiraling into the what-ifs.
Stopped playing victim of not-enoughs.
Stopped worrying about the future.

I looked around:


It was a beautiful night. We had stumbled upon this walking trail - nestled away from the traffic and crowds.
我們擁有著彼此。

Enough Val. Enough.

For the 4 hours of training I'd clocked this week, I was doing nothing but concentrating on breathing correctly. Feel how the air is cooler as it enters my nostrils when I inhale, feel how the air that leaves my nostrils is warmer as I exhale. Focus. Be present. Have fun.

One fever, one cough and I threw everything out of the window and go haywire. I forgot to acknowledge myself, I forgot to acknowledge my partner. I took on the baggage of my ill-health history. I started worrying about the unknown future. I forgot all about the present moment.

I forgot that when I am present, how much fun I could have. I forgot that when I'm present, everything becomes a positive sign...





I forgot how happy I was when I'd completed my 2 hour walk and breathing healthily:


I decided to drop the past baggage and future woes.
I became grateful for the present.

The walk home was beautiful.
I made it home.
One step at a time...


I want to go on.

i want to go on

 

Taking that first step

I live on the 5th floor of an old old walk-up apartment.
Walk-up.
No lifts.
That's 66 steps down, and another 66 steps back up, daily.

I've conquered those stairs day 1 when I moved in, with furniture.
I've conquered those stairs many days with filming equipment, props, my trusty laptop.
I've conquered those stairs weekly, with groceries.

Everytime I start climbing the stairs, I stand on the ground floor, look up and go:

We are training for a 1,500 km bicycle ride.

66 steps to reach home can turn my face white.

Yet I have committed to embark on, and complete this challenge - physically, mentally, emotionally.  I am scared shitless.

Writing this, I realised how determined I am to do this. Enough to admit that I'm scared. Enough to actually put this down in words.

I chant to myself everytime I climb those steps, "One by one. One more step. One step at a time."

I hit the wall on the 3rd floor, where I go, "Damn! Why do we live on the 5th floor???" My Naonao then says, "Reaching soon. Only a bit left. You've already climbed 3 floors!"

Before I know it, I'm home.

All it took was that first step.

So here I am. Taking that first step, with absolute resolution:


One step at a time.

Step 1, here I come.

Taking that first step

 

Life Lived - Creatively

What happens what you commit to something fully?

Like 100% - time, energy, money, brain-juice and what have you not resources?

You turn to "Creativity".

My Naonao and I made a decision to live life creatively, and have fun while at it.

It was only a decision made. Yet, it seemed like we became 2 different persons, in a good way.

Creative Living 1:
Wear something you've never worn in your wardrobe. (We figured once we embarked on our adventure, we'd not have many chances to wear the many unworn pieces in our wardrobe anyway).

For me, I dug out something from the bag of clothes Diana passed to me when we went her place for a meeting, before we left for Taiwan...and wore one a day. New clothes, new brains - or something to that effect hahs.

For her, it was a solution borne out of necessity - her clothes were all in the wash; she had to wear something mine. I got to choose (and I chose a dress)! Am not putting the photo here, it's on the website of the new project we're on; which I will reveal soooooooooon :P

We took our new skins and went scribbling, squabbling at wherever we felt like for the entire week. Along the ways, invented new ways to live creatively...


Creative Living 2:
Put on thinking caps. We saw an interesting couple wearing artist's peak caps (what do you call those?) and I went, "I have them! Somewhere at home..."

The next day, I dug the caps out and termed them "Thinking Caps" - caps we put on when we run out of points-of-views and solutions.


We wore them on the day we embarked on a very very creative-driven project...


By the time we got our hands dirty working on the project, our hats were off heh~

Life Lived - Creatively

 

Back in Action

I am back in action. Yes.

In a nutshell:
Back from a backpacking trip in Taiwan, met with a life-changing event, made life-changing decisions and am aiming to:

1. Live my dreams - Prepare for an adventure of a lifetime
2. Achieve this, creatively
3. Focus

Check back as the plan unveils :P

Back in Action

 

来不及的对不起

8 Sep marked the debut of the very first TV program Val "starred in"... as the Producer/Director. The journey had been, and is still, full of learnings, life-mirrors, lessons and indeed, blessings.

"P.S. I'm Sorry"'s first episode was about a sorry almost too late. A message so simple, and over preached. Yet, how often we need such gentle reminders. 说不出口的话，不要等到来不及说。 I remembered breaking my head (and heart) over bringing the message out in the episode - what is it really, that needs to be said through Angel's story/sorry? 

“不好意思”、"paiseh la"、"很malu leh" are convenient denials we often hide behind, no? Many of us are lucky enough to get multiple chances. And many of us, still leave the unsaid...unsaid, even after the last moment. 

I asked myself, if there's one thing that is on top of the unsaid list, what would it be?

"I love you, mummy."

I had the multiple chances.

When she found out she had cancer, I was the first person she confided in.
I was so scared. So scared she would no longer be there the next morning I awoke.
Did I stretch my arms out to hug her and tell her I love her?
No I didn't.
I pat her hands and told her she'd be fine. I called friends up to get doctor referrals. I offered to accompany her on her hospital trips. I did everything else but tell her what I was really trying to say through all those actions.

When I was at the airport saying goodbye, I hugged everybody, including her. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying the whole night before I left. I was so guilty. So guilty for leaving everyone, especially her behind to pursue something I wanted to call "my own".
Did I look at her in her eyes and tell her I love her?
No I didn't.
I hugged her last and walked straight into the gantry without turning back. I told her ramblings of my new life every time she called. I even came home to spring a mother's day surprise on her. I played the waiting game...and god knows, I am still waiting today.

Waiting for “来不及”?

I know, I'm slow. And 4 months after my first meeting with Angel, 2 weeks after finishing producing the entire episode, and a few hours after watching the telecast version on TV, I finally realized why I was so adamant on making this story debut as the first episode. A message so simple, yet so ignored, even by the preacher herself. A message we've been trying to repeat throughout the entire series. A message that was the very reason why the program existed in the first place.

And today, I acknowledge what I need to say. Now, I make a decision and commitment to say it. Not by actions. Not by games. By the next time I hug my mummy goodbye, I will look her in the eye and say,

"I love you mummy."

来不及的对不起