欣旅惠語 VaL's Journey

Homecoming I

Homecoming I

 

Listing

As it is:

Left Qais - left the corporate world, the 9 to 5, the agency life. Relieved yet apprehensive. Excited yet scared shitless. Beginning to unlearn and relearn the meaning of trust and hope.

Took a one week break - to do nothing, to read, to meet people, to write, to paint, to sing. Did none of the above. Yet enjoyed every moment of it. The walking around, the tau huay trips, the porridge trips, the photo-taking, the grocery shopping, the cooking, the tiffs, the tempers, the everything. Cherished. Loved. Remembered. Beginning to undefine and redefine the meaning of trust and love.

Auditions - closed the chapter of "More than Words" and said what I really meant (for once); opened the door to "Chinese Rose" and performed like it was my last performance, for the team, for Rose Chan, for 亲爱的, for myself. Beginning to unexperience and re-experience the meaning of trust and dreams.

Started work proper at Simply IS - brainstorming at Starbucks; listening to people's pain, courage, love, hope, anguish; looking into my mirrors and saying thank you; long long to-do lists; tracing the growth of www.sorry.sg. Beginning to fully comprehend, "Work is love made visible".

Life is made up of moments. Moments to remember...

• Coming out of Substation from "More than Words" and being hugged in the rain
• Coming out of York Hotel from "Chinese Rose", tinggling from high-ness
• Holding hands in taxis, throughout the rides
• Creating sparks at Starbucks
• Putting our ginger into someone else's trolley and then running away, giggling like 2 teenagers
• Visiting the past
• Throwing away clothes
• Laughing, and then laughing some more
• Strolling in town on a weekday, hand-in-hand
• Going for a swim during "office hours"
• Having quiet time, just a wall apart

Listing

 

Saying Thank You to a "Mum" - I

Found some gifts on my workdesk and a little note in my inbox this morning:

Dear Val,

It is your last day at Qais, but that is not a goodbye between us. It’s just the end of one phase of our relationship.

I wanted you to have three things always, which is why the very little gift on your table:

• Light (tea lights)
• Wealth & Prosperity (silver)
• Blessings (Lord Ganesh)

So, little girl, go out and do what you really want to do. May each little and big dream come true.

愣了。也哭了。嗯。我是幸福的！

With your light – I shine, and lit others up, too
With your wealth – I prosper, and abundance others, too
With your blessings – I fulfill, and shower upon others, too
As each dream, little and big – come true

Everything you have given
I received with gratitude
Everything I have received
Will be paid forward in multitudes

And to this chapter and more to come
Thank you, thank you, thank you

Saying Thank You to a "Mum" - I

 

《只想说声对不起》 P.S. I'm Sorry - The Song Draft 2

《只想说声对不起》 P.S. I'm Sorry - The Song Draft 2

 

《只想说声对不起》 P.S. I'm Sorry - Saying Sorry

10 years ago, I did something really horrible - I was manipulative and deceptive. And like the boy who called wolf, I ended up losing all of my NPCC squadmates -

Strangers turned CCA mates turned friends
Friends who'd write notes to each other, even though we see each other everyday; just bcos...
Friends who'd hang out together at the Mac's at Teban Gardens after our CCA, Mac's at Ginza Plaza, Mac's at JEC; and of cos, Block 204...
Friends who'd put in our all to write songs, choreograph dances, buy tees, handmake gifts, do the impossible; for a gathering for the seniors and NCOs...
Friends who shouted weekly, and lived by daily, the mantra of "All for one and one for all".

I remember stepping into the classroom where everyone else was waiting for me - all and one; one and all. I admitted my wilful deceits, and I said my public apologies.

As I left the classroom, I left the broken friendships, the broken trust, the broken everything we'd shared in the 2 years with my squad mates.

I remember making detours just so I wouldn't have to walk past them along the same corridoor. I remember my broken speech during the speech competition just because I caught the eyes. I remember the white grids that I had to keep clean, spotless everytime I showed them to Mrs Lim. All the while, trying hard to prove that my life goes on. All the while, wanting to prove that I now lead a better life.

When truly, all the while - I was hurting the same way everyone was hurting, too. I was huanted by guilt as much as everyone was haunted by anger. When truly, I secretly wished everyone knew how sorry I truly, truly was.

2 years later all of us graduated into our separate lives. 2 more years later, I was in university.

Throughout, I'd always wanted to say hi whenever we walked past each other. Throughout, I'd never stopped thinking about us as a group. Everytime I was on stage, at an event, on TV...I wonder - if the same angst and hurt and anger still fills you when you see me. Throughout, I missed you.

I missed you everytime Stephanie walks past me in HC. I missed you everytime Pei En walks past me in SMU. I missed you everytime Andy had new photos of gatherings etc. in his Friendster account. I missed you when Chit Xiang actually said hi to me at the JB bus terminal. I missed you when I saw Yanting's video clip at Fish Leong's concert. I missed you when Ivy actually replied me on Facebook. All these while - I missed the camaderie, the moments, the everything that was, that could have been, that would never be.

Secretly time and again, I wished you knew. I wished there was some way for me to let you know - how truly, awfully sorry I was/am/still am. I wished, that somehow, I'd put this down. And perhaps...even more boldly, I wish I'd forgive myself.

10 years later, this secret wish I never told anyone came true.

The first TV program I'm taking part in producing fulfilled every single bit of that secret wish.

"《只想说声对不起》 P.S. I'm Sorry" happened.

A TV program that creates a space for people to say their Sorries -
So that what needed to be said, is said;
and that what needed to be heard, is heard.

A TV program that reunites friends, couples, colleagues, families, lovers, and give that one sorry person that one opportunity to say that one sorry.

A TV program that I'm dedicating all my efforts towards the RVHS NPCC 1997 - 2000 batch.

A TV program that gave me the platform to write this, to send my apology message on Facebook, to let you know - how truly, awfully sorry I am; how much I'd missed you.

And as with every Sorry, comes a Thank you:

Thank you for the lesson in truth.
Thank you for the lesson in friendship, in camadarie, in acceptance.
Thank you for helping me make this come true.
Thank you...

Because I'm now able to close this chapter fully, and finally embarked on my journey of realizing my dreams, to tell stories of truth - of love, life and hope.

--

你说：“谢谢你，让这个节目 become real。”

《只想说声对不起》 P.S. I'm Sorry - Saying Sorry

 

Gratitude Log - Meiqing 妈妈的感恩

就为了[妈妈]的这句话，我要很用心、更用心地把节目做好！

Gratitude Log - Meiqing 妈妈的感恩

 

《只想说声对不起》 P.S. I'm Sorry - The Song

有一天你跟我说
要做一个说对不起的节目
我心想。。。
嗯
是时候了

笔下了这首歌
句句的真心话
说着他和她的故事
说着风信子的故事

也说着你/我的故事。。。

道歉
需要勇气
原谅
更需要勇气

这份勇气
在开始 《只想说声对不起》 的时候
我们都已找到了

--

Realized over the past few weeks that more people than I really know actually take time to read my blog, scroll through the videos etc. Am deeply touched, that old friends care, new friends care, my cousins care...even people I've met on shoots care.

Makes me even more determined to blog from my heart, no less. Makes me even more determined to work on my story-telling craft.

And I'm going to make an effort to have a conversation with my readers. So...

Comments, feedback on the lyrics are most welcome! :)

《只想说声对不起》 P.S. I'm Sorry - The Song

 

《只想说声对不起》 P.S. I'm Sorry

一束紫色风信子
代表时间的悔意
朵朵的轻声细语
说着我的
对不起
P.S. I'm Sorry

《只想说声对不起》 P.S. I'm Sorry

 

Somewhere over the rainbow

Was on the bus on way home with Love last Wednesday evening when we saw the famous rainbow that the entire Singapore saw. Instead of joining everyone else for Journey Grad Meeting, I decided that I wanted to paint. So whilst everyone else was doing process swaps in the living room, I was doodling in the study room...

Somewhere over the rainbow